Positive Daily Inspiration – March 27, 2022 – Sunday Funnies

(Submitted with our great thanks)

“I have loved you with an everlasting love.”
Jeremiah 31:3

Ten best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

10.”They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”

9.”This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.”

8. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the white out. You probably got here just in time.”

7. “I wasn’t sleeping; I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.”

6. “I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.”

5. “I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?”

4. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”

3. “The coffee machine is broken.”

2. “Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.”

And the number one best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk

1. ” … in Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”

“Of course, I do,” he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.

At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered.

Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home.

“First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!” she exclaimed.

“I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”

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Here are some definitions of “Football Christianity” from the Anglican Digest:

– Draft choice: Selection of a seat near the door.

– Halftime: The time between the peace and the offertory.

– Benchwarmer: Those whose only participation is their attendance on Sunday morning.

– Quarterback sneak: Congregants who exit quietly following communion, a quarter of the way through the service or near the last quarter of the service.

– Fumble: Dropping a hymnal or singing the wrong verse.

– Backfield in motion: Making two or three trips out during the sermon.

– Staying on the pocket: What happens to a lot of money that should go into the offering.

– Sudden death: When the preacher goes overtime.

– Blitz: The stampede to the doors after the service.

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

I remind myself again and again, there is nothing to fear.
You, dear God, are with me.
Greater is the power of God that is in me than anything that is in the world.
I have spiritual dominion as a child of God.
Nothing can erase that truth of my being.
Nothing can hold me back from overcoming.
I am one with the overcomer.
This glory indwells me at this very moment.
I turn to God and recognize God is the source of all victory, overcoming, and mastery.

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I abide in the strength giving presence of God. In God, I have sufficient strength for every need.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it.” Margaret Fuller

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Thank you!!!

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GOD BLESS YOU,
Christopher Ian Chenoweth