Positive Daily Inspiration - April 24, 2022 - Sunday Funnies
For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7
A psychiatrist to patient: “You have nothing to worry about – anyone who can pay my bills is certainly not a failure.”
My family and I were eating in an expensive restaurant, when I overheard the gentleman at the next table askthe waitress to pack the leftovers for their dog. It was then that his young son exclaimed loudly, “Yeah! We’re going to get a dog.”
“Inflation is creeping up, a young man said to his friend. Yesterday I ordered a $25 steak in a restaurant and told them to put it on my American Express card – and it fit.”
My 60-year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 150 lbs. I’ve gained.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the storm that’s coming.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today … . Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
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On his way out of church after the service, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. “Would it be right,” he asked, “for a person to profit from the mistakes of others?” … .
“Absolutely not!” replied the pastor, disappointed that Frank would even ask such a question.
“In that case,” said Frank, “I wonder if you’d consider returning the two hundred and fifty dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July.”
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A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, Peter meets him at the pearly gates.
Peter says, “Here’s how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you’ve done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in.”
“Okay,” the man says, “I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart.”
“That’s wonderful,” says Peter, “that’s worth three points!”
“Three points?” he says. “Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service.”
“Terrific!” says Peter, “that’s certainly worth a point.”
“One point? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans.”
“Fantastic, that’s good for two more points,” he says.
“TWO POINTS!!” the man cries, “At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!”
“Come on in!”
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One day Jesus decided to come down and play a little golf. He brought Moses to caddie for him. He teed off. The ball went high, fell into the top of a tree, bounced off the branches on the way down, hit the ground, rolled down the hill and went into the cup.
Moses said, “Nice shot, Lord”
Jesus looked up and said, “Thanks, DAD.”
At the 2nd tee, the ball went way off to the left, bounced off a rock, ricocheted off a stump and went into the cup. Moses said, “Nice shot, Lord.”
Jesus looked up and said, “Thanks, DAD.”
The third tee shot went straight into the lake. Jesus walked out on the water to see if he could find it.
About that time, two old men drove up in a golf cart and seen Him walking around on the lake.
One of them said to Moses “Who does he think HE is? Jesus Christ?”
Moses replied, “He IS Jesus Christ, but He THINKS he’s Tiger Woods.”
POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:
Dear God, help me to see the humor in life and laugh more.
Thank You God for all Your gifts, allowing my soul to smile.
Amen.
POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: The inexhaustible resource of God is equal to every demand. There is no reality in my life for lack. God’s abundance is here and now manifest.
POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “Outside show is a poor substitute for inner worth.” Aesop
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