Positive Daily Inspiration – May 1, 2022 – Sunday Funnies

Positive Daily Inspiration - May 1, 2022 - Sunday Funnies

“Everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.”
Isaiah 35:10

It was their fifth anniversary, and Al and Alice had just returned from the movies.

Alice was feeling romantic. “Will you love me when my hair has turned to silver?” she crooned.

“Why not?” Al grunted. “Didn’t I love you through four other shades?”

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Disorder in the court – TRUE (from transcripts)

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, do they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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Bumper Stickers:

If They Don’t Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain’t Going

My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips

If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In The Kitchen

I Used To Have A Handle On Life, But It Broke

There Is No Future In Time Travel

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, I ask You to Divinely adjust and organize my life.
I ask that You put everything in its proper place.
I pray for a Divine Order day today, leading to a Divine Order week, that leads to a Divine order month, and in absolute faith leading to a well-lived Divine order life.

In Jesus Christ name, Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: The fearless courageous power of God is my deliverance.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “You live but once; you might as well be amusing.”
Coco Chanel

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