Positive Daily Inspiration – May 29, 2022 – SUNDAY FUNNIES

(Submitted with our thanks)

“I will put my trust in God.”
Hebrews 2:13

A man decides to try horseback riding, even though he has had no lessons or prior experience. He mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the man begins to slip from the saddle. In a panic, he grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse’s neck, but he slides down the side of the horse, anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up his tenuous grip, the man attempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety.

Unfortunately, his foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and he is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as his head is struck against the ground, over and over.

As his head is battered against the ground, he is mere moments away from unconsciousness when, to his great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees him and quickly unplugs the horse.

Thank God for heroes.

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It was a bitter cold day in a western city. A small boy stood shivering on a steel grate in the sidewalk. His clothes were thin and tattered. A woman, appropriately dressed for the weather, stopped, and engaged the youngster in conversation. He was indeed a child of the street. The compassionate stranger took him to a clothing store and outfitted him from head to foot, including cap, scarf, and gloves. The lad was filled with joy and gratitude. He could not thank her enough. As they said good-bye and walked in opposite directions, the elated boy turned back to ask, “Are you God’s mother?”

The gentle woman answered, “Oh no! I’m just a child of God.”

Whereupon the smiling lad remarked, “I knew you were related.”

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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran, she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!” As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off and started running again. As she ran, she once again began to pray, “Dear Lord please don’t let me be late! … But don’t shove me either.”

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One night Mike’s parents overheard this prayer: “Now I lay me down to rest, and hope to pass tomorrow’s test. If I should die before I wake, that’s one less test I have to take.”

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A little boy’s prayer: “Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we’re gonna be in a big mess.”

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A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. “Dear God, thank you for these pancakes.” When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, “I thought I’d see if God was paying attention tonight.”

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Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. “Fine”, said the pleased mother. “If you ask God to help you not misbehave, God will help you.”

“Oh, I didn’t ask God to help me not misbehave,” said Johnny, “I asked God to help you put up with me.”

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A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.”

Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, “I know, I know! He’s in our bathroom!!!”

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, “Well … every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, ‘Good Lord, are you still in there?!'”

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

The Christ is born anew in my heart as peace.
The Christ is born anew in my mind as guiding light.
The Christ is born anew in my body as healing life.
The Christ is born anew in my life as opportunity and success.

THANK YOU, GOD!

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: Divine Order blesses me and all that concerns me.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “To the artist there is never anything ugly in nature.” Auguste Rodin

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“The blessing of the Lord makes rich.” Proverbs 10:22
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GOD BLESS YOU,
Christopher Ian Chenoweth