Positive Daily Inspiration - May 8, 2022 - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY - SUNDAY FUNNIES
“Love is patient and kind.”
1 Corinthians 13:4
Things Moms Would Never Say:
“How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”
“Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too”
“Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery”
“Let me smell that shirt – Yeah, it’s good for another week”
“Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day”
“Well, if Timmy’s mom says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.”
“The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.”
“I don’t have a tissue with me … just use your sleeve”
“Don’t bother wearing a jacket – the wind-chill is bound to improve”
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Mother’s Dictionary
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Ow: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.
Puddle: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show Off: a child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
Top Bunk: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.
Two Minute Warning: when the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: able to whine in words
Whodunit: none of the kids that live in your house.
Weekend: when Dad gets to play golf while Mom catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands.
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Principles of Motherhood
1. Motherhood – If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
2. Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results.
3. To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.
4. The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side.
5. Avenge yourself – Live long enough to be a problem to your children.
6. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere – and to let the air out of the tires.
7. The right temperature in a home is maintained by warm hearts, not by hot heads.
8. Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
9. Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.
10. The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed.
11. Life’s golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.
12. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
13. Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.
14. A child outgrows your lap, but never outgrows your heart.
15. God gave you two ears and one mouth … so you should listen twice as much as you talk.
16. There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it or forbid your children to do it.
17. Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.
18. You know the only people in this world who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.
19. Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.
20. Oh to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.
21. There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother’s age.
22. Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
23. Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers.
24. An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don’t have small children.
25. Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
26. How do you cope when the apple of your eye becomes a bone in your throat?
27. No wonder kids are confused today. Half the adults tell them to find themselves; the other half tell them to get lost.
28. The persons hardest to convince they’re at the retirement age are children at bedtime.
29. Kids really brighten a household; they never turn off any lights.
POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:
God’s help is at hand for you, right now where you are.
God’s everlasting help is at hand.
God’s help is yours, right now.
God is at work doing whatever needs to be done in your life while you relax and let go.
God is at work in your life, in your body temple, in everything in your life, God is at hand.
God’s wisdom is lighting up your mind this moment.
God’s power is strengthening your body, and God’s peace is calming your soul.
God is at hand doing everything needful and good and productive, right now.
There is no obstruction; there is no delay.
There is nothing to hinder God’s presence and power.
God is your creator and re-creator, the sustainer of healing life and peace, ever lifting and supporting you. There is nothing in life that you cannot do, that you cannot face, that you cannot surmount, that you cannot overcome or obtain, for God is your help in every need.
God is at hand, now, in your life. You can let go and give thanks this moment, for God is the kingdom. God is at hand.
You have faith as a grain of mustard seed and remember that the grain of mustard seed is growing into a full-blossoming plant inside of you, bringing to you what you have prayed for.
In Jesus Christ’s name, Amen
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POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: Just as my mother did when I was small, the loving touch of Christ now brings love and fulfillment into my life.
POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “The best theology is probably no theology; just love one another.” Charles Schulz
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GOD BLESS YOU, God’s blessing to all the dear mothers.
Christopher Ian Chenoweth