Positive Daily Inspiration - July 17, 2022 - SUNDAY FUNNIES
“The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows God’s handiwork.”
Psalms 19:1
“I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something.”
Mitch Hedberg
“The best way to get your husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”
Shirley MacClaine
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A woman goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s a ‘peel and win’ sticker on her coffee cup.
So she peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”
The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch?”
But the woman keeps on screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”
Finally, the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t have possibly won a motor home because we didn’t have that as a prize.”
The woman says, “No, it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motor home!”
And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads … “W I N A B A G E L”
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On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’
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A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’
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As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, “Daddy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers!” pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, “What’s wrong, honey?”
She replied, “What happened to my booger?”
POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:
The 23rd Psalm:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want
God makes me to lie down in green pastures:
God leadeth me beside the still waters.
God restores my soul: God leadeth me in the paths of righteousness of God’s name sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil: My cup runneth over
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
In Jesus Christ’s name. . Amen
POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I affirm I will consciously see the humor in life today and laugh more.
POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “You’re going to go through tough times – that’s life. But I say, ‘Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.’ See the positive in negative events.” Joel Osteen
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