Positive Daily Inspiration – August 21, 2022 – SUNDAY FUNNIES

(Submitted with our great thanks)

“Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be established unto the: and the light shall shine upon thy ways.” Job 22:28

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”

“Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.

“How do you know that?”

“Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”

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After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister when I grow up.”

“That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?”

“Well,” said the little boy, “I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen.”

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A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord’s Prayer at a church service: “And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us.”

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A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. “How do you know what to say?” he asked.

“Why, God tells me.”

“Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out and erasing?”

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A little girl became restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”

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After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

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Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. “The flight to Egypt,” said Kyle.

“I see … And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,” Ms. Terri said. “But who’s the fourth person?”

“Oh, that’s Pontius-the Pilot.

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The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?”

“No sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook.”

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A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trapdoor and announce, “I descend into hell!” A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, “I descend into hell!” the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: “Hallelujah! Hell is full!”

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Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, “After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, ‘If you don’t be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!’ It worked.”

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A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child. Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword, would cut through the sky. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child’s school.

As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. Another and another were to follow quickly and with each the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother’s car drew up beside the child she lowered the window and called to her, “What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping?”

The child answered, “I am trying to look pretty. God keeps taking my picture.”

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God on this Sunday
I remember Your blessings
and I thank You for all the small and large things You have done for me
and those that I love.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude for Your presence,
direction, guidance, and ever-present help.

Thank You God.

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I give back, today I take time to find a church and worship God.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.”
Larry King

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GOD BLESS YOU,
Christopher Ian Chenoweth