Positive Daily Inspiration – August 28, 2022 – SUNDAY FUNNIES

Positive Daily Inspiration - August 28, 2022 - SUNDAY FUNNIES

(Submitted with our great thanks.)

“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
Psalm 16:11

I am fine … … YOU BETCHA … ..

Ole’s car was hit by a truck in an accident.

In court, the trucking company’s lawyer was questioning Ole.

‘Didn’t you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine, ?’ asked the lawyer.

Ole responded, ‘Vell, I’ll tell you vat happened. I had yust loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into da … ..’

‘I didn’t ask for any details’, the lawyer interrupted. ‘Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?

Ole said, ‘Vell, I had yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas driving down da road … ..

The lawyer interrupted again and said, ‘Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.’

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole’s answer and said to the lawyer, ‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie’.

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. ‘Vell, as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and vas driving her down da highvay ven dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. I vas trown into one ditch and Bessie vas thrown into da other. I vas hurting real bad and didn’t vant to move.

However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape yust by her groans’. ‘Shortly after da accident da Highway Patrolman, he came to da scene.. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he vent over to her’..

‘After he looked at her and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her right ‘tween da eyes.

Den da Patrolman, he came across da road, gun still smoking, looked at me and said, ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Now vat da heck vould YOU say?

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THE FOLLOWING ARE SUPPOSEDLY REAL STATEMENTS MADE DURING COURT CASES:

Judge: I know you, don’t I?
Defendant: Uh, yes.
Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?
Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.

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From a defendant representing himself …
Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I allegedly stole your purse?
Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse.
Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance.

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Judge: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant?
Defendant: No, sir, I’m the guy who stole the chickens.

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Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can’t they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it.

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Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn’t interested in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have a comment on the defendant’s motion?
Public Defender: I’m sorry, Your Honor. I wasn’t listening.

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Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.
Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.
Judge: What does the ‘Colonel’ stand for?
Defendant: Well, it’s kinda like the ‘Honorable’ in front of your name – not a darned thing.

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Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness. Have you anything to say in your defense?
Defendant: Habitual thirstiness?

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Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court?
Judge: Of course.
Defendant: If I called you a lousy person, what would you do?
Judge: I’d hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in jail.
Defendant: What if I thought you were a lousy person?
Judge: I can’t do anything about that. There’s no law against thinking.
Defendant: In that case, I think you’re a lousy person.

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, Almighty and everlasting, who allowed Jesus Christ to teach humankind, and to bless humankind. Help me to follow Jesus, and do the same, between family and friends, help me to make a difference in the lives that I touch.

In Jesus Christ name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I never forget to laugh.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play.” Arnold J. Toynbee

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GOD BLESS YOU,
Christopher Ian Chenoweth