Positive Daily Inspiration – September 25, 2022 – Sunday Funnies

(Submitted with our great thanks)

“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of God stands forever.”
Isaiah 40:8

A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher; but just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn’t noticeable.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alecky punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.

… … Dead silence …

He had no trouble with discipline that year.

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A man said, I was relaxing in my favorite chair on Sunday. Reading the newspaper, watching a ball game on TV and listening to another on the radio, drinking Coca-Cola, eating a snack, and scratching the dog with my foot – and my wife has the nerve to accuse me of just sitting there doing nothing.

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Lawrence grabbed his plate and walked up to the party buffet for the fourth time. Aren’t you embarrassed to go back for so many helpings? Asked his wife.

Not a bit, Lawrence replied. I keep telling them it’s for you.

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George Burns punctuated this story with a flick of his cigar. “A woman said to me, is it true that you still go out with young girls? I said yes, it’s true. She said, is it true that you still smoke 15 to 20 cigars a day? I said yes, it’s true I said, is it true that you still take a few drinks every day? I said yes, it’s true.

Shocked, she said, what does your doctor say? I said, he’s dead.

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What is the definition of a bachelor pad?

All the houseplants are dead, but there’s something growing in the refrigerator.

An experienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was underwater.

What kind of a salesman are you? The boss scolded. Get out there and sell him a boat.

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An employee said, the stress my boss puts me under is killing me. I have migraines, my blood pressure is going through the roof, I can’t sleep at night, I just found out I have an ulcer, and as long as I stay in this job the only question is whether I’ll have a stroke or heart attack.

So why don’t you quit?

Employee: I have a great health plan.

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

On this Sunday, I agree to remember You God. If I am unable to go to church, I hereby promise to spend at least one hour watching a church service on television, or one hour reading the Bible.

I dedicate this Sunday to You, my God.

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I am one with the ONE.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.” Helen Keller

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On this Sunday – Give back to God.
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By mail: Positive Christianity Box 7993 Woodlands, TX 77387

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GOD BLESS YOU,
Christopher Ian Chenoweth