Positive Daily Inspiration – October 16, 2022 – Sunday Funnies

Positive Daily Inspiration - October 16, 2022 - Sunday Funnies

(Submitted with our great thanks!)

“God has made everything beautiful in its time; also God has put eternity into a humans mind.”
Ecclesiastes 3:11

The cat who ate a ball of yarn? She had mittens.

The kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? It was a knot-for-profit.

The claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a little more space.

The veterinarian who prescribes birth-control pills for dogs? It’s part of an anti-litter campaign.

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.

How many paranoid people does it take to change a light bulb? Who wants to know?

If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating?

To see a man’s true face, look to the photos he hasn’t posted.

Winter: the season when we try to keep the house as hot as it was in the summer, when we complained about the heat.

Conscience: the small voice that makes you feel smaller.

The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long.

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and snack all day.

Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.

What do you call a steak that’s been knighted by the queen? Sir Loin.

If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

What do you call a chicken who crosses the road, rolls in the mud, and then crosses back again? A dirty double-crosser.

Why did the chicken go to the seĢance? To get to the other side.

Why did the rooster cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.

I used to believe that all things must pass – until I got stuck behind a school bus.

What did the zookeeper say after the python broke free? Nothing.

Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

At which school did Sherlock Holmes get so smart? Elementary.

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

Where does a wine maker get his gossip? Through the grapevine.

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because he was stuffed.

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