(Submitted with our great thanks)
“To set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”
One Easter Sunday morning during the children’s sermon, the minister reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked “What’s in here?”. One little boy exclaimed “I know, PANTYHOSE”!
SUPPORT A FAMILY:
The future father-in-law asked, “Young man, can you support a family?” The surprised groom-to be replied, “Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves.”
Little Johnny asked his grandma how old she was. Grandma answered, “39 AND HOLDING.” Johnny thought for a moment and then said, “And how old would you be if you let go?”
FIRST TIME USHERS:
A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed around the offering plates. When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, “DON’T PAY FOR ME, DADDY. I’M UNDER FIVE.”
The Sunday School teacher asked, “Now Johnny, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?” “NO SIR!” he replied. “We don’t have to ’cause my mom is a good cook!”
CLIMB THE WALLS:
“OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU,” the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother’s side. “Now maybe daddy will do the trick he promised us.” The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that?” she asked. “I heard him tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again”.
It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying palm branches. Johnny asked what they were for. “People held them over Jesus’ head as He walked by.” “Wouldn’t you know it,” he fumed. “The one Sunday I don’t go to church, He shows up!”
THE MOOD RING:
My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I’m in a good mood it turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead.
LIFE AFTER DEATH:
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “YES, SIR,” the new employee replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” The boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you!”
POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:
The Student of Life Prayer
Dear God, help me to be a student of life.
May I be constantly learning and becoming better.
May I remember that You are my supreme instructor.
May I look at every experience as an opportunity for growth.
May I learn from what is happened to me and use the knowledge in positive ways.
Dear God, I pray that I am growing and learning every day.
May the person that I was yesterday grow wiser and stronger today.
I ask You to be my instructor, and I promise to be a willing and eager student.
In Jesus Christ name … Amen
POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I release all to God and live fully, and joyously, and creatively today.
POSITIVE FUNNY QUOTE: “I’m not playing all the wrong notes. I’m playing al the right notes. But not necessarily in the right order.”
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GOD BLESS YOU,
Christopher Ian Chenoweth