Positive Daily Inspiration – December 4, 2022 – Sunday Funnies

Positive Daily Inspiration - December 4, 2022 - Sunday Funnies

(Submitted with our great thanks)

Psalm 30:12
“That my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks for ever.”

At the church meeting, the preacher announced, “Anyone with a special concern or problem who wants to be prayed over, please come forward.” Billy got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, “Billy, what is your need that you want me to pray about?”

Billy replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.” The preacher put one finger of one hand on Billy Bob’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Billy head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a blue streak for Billy and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Billy, how is your hearing now?”

Billy answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ’til next week.”

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A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol: dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke: dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup: dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil: alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, “What did you learn from this demonstration?”

Betty Lou was sitting in the back and quickly raised her hand and said, “As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!”

That pretty much ended the service.

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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting Flies,” he responded. “Oh! Did you kill any?” she asked.. “Yep, 3 males, 2 females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?” He responded, “3 were on a pizza, 2 were on the telephone.”

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A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was also the local Pastor, if they could discuss the use of the family car.

His father invited him to his study and said, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the scriptures, and get your hair cut and we’ll consider it.”

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss the use of the car. They again went to the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your scriptures diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!”

The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that.

You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.”

To which his father replied, “Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!”

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55 year old Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw St. Peter and asked, “Is this it?” St. Peter said, “No, you have another 30 years to live.”

Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a facelift, and liposuction. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it. She walked out of the hospital after the last operation and was hit by a speeding car and killed. She again arrived in front of St. Peter and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years.”

St. Peter replied, “Is that you, Shirley? I didn’t recognize you!”

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Psalm 106:1; 107:1
“Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for God is good; God’s love endures for ever.” I praise You today, and every moment this week for all the good You have given me, and will give me. I praise You most of all for Your all-accepting love of me.

Thank You God!

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: God’s harmonizing love fills my heart and overflows to establish peace in every area of my life.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “A strong positive attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.”
Patricia Neal

POSITIVE FUNNY QUOTE: “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as a fly by.”
Douglas Adams

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GOD BLESS YOU,
Christopher Ian Chenoweth