Positive Daily Inspiration – December 18, 2022 – Sunday Funnies

December 18, 2022 www.PositiveChristianity.org presents
Positive Daily Inspiration

Sunday Funnies
(Submitted with our great thanks)

“Remember, I am with you always.”
Matthew 28:20

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.”

Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply. “Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to heaven?” O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.”

The priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”

O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”

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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to harm himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
(Isn’t it already sour?)

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, may I be filled with loving kindness.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.

Thank You, God.
Amen.

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: The smiles and laughter of God shines within me.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “Sometimes we have the dream, but we are not ourselves ready for the dream. We have to grow to meet it.”
Louis L’Amour

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GOD BLESS YOU, Merry Christmas!
Christopher Ian Chenoweth