Positive Daily Inspiration - February 19, 2023
Sunday Funnies
(Submitted with our great thanks)
INVESTMENT ADVICE:
I thought that you might like to be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor. Watch for these consolidations in the fourth quarter of 2023.
1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.
3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as: MMMGood.
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudi DoDa.
5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.
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A church sign in Springfield, MO said: “America, bless God!”
A church sign I saw in Dripping Springs, Texas: “If you are looking for a sign from God, this is it”
Sign seen in deli in Washington State: “What a friend we have in cheeses!”
Up at the head table in the cafeteria, one of the nuns had placed a big bowl of bright red, fresh, juicy apples. Beside the bowl, she placed a note which read, “Take only one. Remember, God is watching.” At the other end of the table was a bowl full of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, still warm from the oven. Beside the bowl, a little note scrawled in a child’s handwriting which read, “Take all you want – God’s watching the apples.”
The famous Olympic skier Picabo (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the telephone as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say –Picabo, ICU.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it’s a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Observation at a daycare: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win and winners never quit, then who is the person who said, “Quit while you’re ahead?”
Get the last word in: Apologize.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars & a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?
POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:
Grant me, O God, thy merciful protection;
and in protection give me strength,
I pray; and in my strength, O grant
me wise discretion; and in discretion,
make me ever just; and with my justice,
may I mingle love; and with my love,
O God, the love of thee; and with the
love of thee, the love of all.
(Welsh prayer)
POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:
God is the instant provider of all good things.
God knows my need and guides me to all that perfectly meet my daily requirements.
POSITIVE FUNNY QUOTE:
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.”
George Burns
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