Positive Daily Inspiration – March 5, 2023 – SUNDAY FUNNIES

(Submitted with our thanks)

“If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.”
Matthew 17:20

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
God asked if I’d been ‘computing,’
And I had to answer ‘yes.’

God told me to get off my fanny
and tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up …
The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick …
I was just admiring my work …
I did not mean to ‘click.’

But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site.
That I got SO way into it.
I was into it all the night.

Nothing is cleaned except my mouse
It is very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess …
While I sit here on my hiney.

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THERE IS A LOT OF HUMOR ON GRAVE STONES.

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903 – Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only the Good Die Young.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast … Pardon him for not rising.

John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe England:
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low, but the skin of the thing that made her go.

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there’s only the pod. Pease shelled out and went to God.

In a cemetery in England:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I’ll not consent. Until I know which way you went.

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:
Dear God, help me become a better person by infilling my mind, my body, and my soul.

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:
I have the faith to move mountains. God and I can do anything.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:
“There can’t be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
Henry Kissinger

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