Positive Daily Inspiration – April 23, 2023 – Sunday Funnies

(Submitted with our great thanks)

“If two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.”
Matthew 18:19

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is ‘UP.’ It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at night. We are pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for a-while, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now … my time is UP!

_______________________

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

‘If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’

In response to Bill’s comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash … Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

PS – I ‘d like to add that when all else fails, you could call ‘customer service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, during my worship this Sunday, I hold all people who are near and dear to me in my prayers today for light, life, love, and wisdom.

I pray that they are fulfilled in heart and mind.

I pray that they continue to know the peace and love of God in everything they do and in all they aspire to be.

Dear God, bless my loved ones with the energy they need to complete every task, with prosperity enough to meet every bill, with strength enough to face every situation.

I know that You are protecting and guiding them every day of their lives. Thank You God for the blessing of their companionship and friendship in my life.

Today and every day, I send my loved ones prayers of heartfelt faith, love, and assurance.

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:
My good comes from the Lord, and I trust God to regulate all in my life.

POSITIVE FUNNY QUOTE:
“If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up some place else.”
Yogi Berra

Support this on-going magnificent work of God.
Instant online, or recurring monthly giving:
http://www.positivechristianity.net/donation-tithe/
By mail: Positive Christianity Box 7993 Woodlands, TX 77387

_____

NEED PRAYER? Click here https://positivechristianity.net/op-requests/
To submit an OPEN Prayer Request for ALL the WORLD to See.

Or you can submit a Confidential Positive Prayer Request.
https://positivechristianity.net/request-htm/
Positive Christianity will pray with you, daily, for an entire 2 months.
There Is Never a Charge for Prayer.

Television channels (Free Service):
Inspiration http://www.youtube.com/PositiveChristianity
Prayer http://www.youtube.com/prayerAmerica
Meditation http://www.youtube.com/PositiveChurch

GOD BLESS YOU,
Christopher Ian Chenoweth, and our prayer team.