Positive Daily Inspiration – May 28, 2023 – SUNDAY FUNNIES

“They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles.”
Isaiah 40:31

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!”

“Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

“Do you think,” said one clergyman to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

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Ponderings:

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Google Maps really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

WHY do people read the obituaries of people they’ve never met?

Bad decisions make good stories.

I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I did not answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:
Thank You, God, for this wonderful opportunity, this privilege to see with spiritual vision to look beyond the appearances and limitations that have held me back in the past.
Amen!

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:
There is no criticism or condemnation in me, for me, or against me. Divine love is the law of my life, and harmony is now established in me and in my affairs.

POSITIVE FUNNY QUOTE:
“My doctor told me the jogging could add years to my life. He was right. I feel 10 years older already.”
Milton Berle

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