Positive Daily Inspiration - May 7, 2023
Sunday Funnies
(Submitted with our great thanks)
“This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God.”
1 Corinthians 4:1
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale’ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks.
“Yep,” the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says “So, what’s your story?”
The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
“I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
“I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
“Ten dollars,” the guy says.
“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that stuff.”
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Mermaid verses Whale
Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said: “THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?”
A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern:
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have a wonderful time with dolphins, stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea, and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected, and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids do not exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner, and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So, we aren’t heavy; we are enormously cultured, educated, and happy. Beginning today, when I look in the mirror I will think, “Good gosh, look how smart I am!”
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“Let’s eat Grandma!” or, “Let’s eat, Grandma!” Punctuation saves lives.
POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:
Dear wonderful God, I surrender to You.
I know You know what is best for me and for my life.
I know Your power is greater than any challenge I could ever face.
Thank You God!
In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen
POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:
All power is given unto me in mind and body: I and my God are one!
POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Martin Luther King
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