Positive Daily Inspiration - July 30, 2023
~Sunday Funnies~
a gift from www.PositiveChristianity.org
̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶ o O o ̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶
(Submitted with our great thanks!)
“I have loved you with an everlasting love.”
Jeremiah 31:3
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Father Brendan O’Malley got up one fine spring day and walked to the window of his bedroom, to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside, and noticed there was a jackass lying dead, in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
“Top o’ the day to ye. This is Sgt. Pat Flaherty. How might I help ye?”
“And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father Brendan O’Malley at St. Brigid’s. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Could ye be sending a couple o’ yer lads over to take care of the matter?”
Sgt. Pat Flaherty considered himself to be quite a wit said, “Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!”
There was dead silence on the line for a moment and then Father Brendan O’Malley replied: “Aye, tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin!”
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1.When I die, I want to die like my grandfather– who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. – Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.” – Author Unknown
3) The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. – Jeff Foxworthy
4) If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life, without even considering if there is a man on base. – Dave Barry
5) A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.” – Conan O’Brien
6) Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God … .. I could be eating a slow learner. – Lynda Montgomery
7) If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. – Johnny Carson
8) Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography. – Paul Rodriguez
9) My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law. – Jerry Seinfeld
10) Remember in elementary school, you were told that, in case of fire, you have to line up quietly in a single file line, from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower? – Warren Hutcherson
11) You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, “My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!” – Dave Barry
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POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:
Thank You God, for Your presence with me, through me, and as me in my spiritual transformations. Everywhere I go, and everything I do, has Your presence in it. I sense this, feel this, and know this.
I know Your light as love.
In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen
POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:
I am enthusiastic about my personal growth and spiritual development.
POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:
“It is not what we take out, but what we give up, that makes us rich.”
Henry Ward Beecher
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