Positive Daily Inspiration – July 9, 2023 – ~Sunday Funnies~

a gift from www.PositiveChristianity.org

̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶ o O o ̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶

(Submitted with our great thanks!)

“Let me hear in the morning of Thy steadfast love, for in Thee I place my trust.”
Psalms 143:8

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TECH SUPPORT

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from boyfriend to husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under boyfriend.

In addition, husband uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Football, Golfing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

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Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: ‘http: I Thought You Loved Me.html’ and try to download Tears. Don’t forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, husband should then automatically run the applications Jewelry and Flowers, but remember … over-use of the above application can cause husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Man Cave.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash husband.

In summary, husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Rich Food and Compliments.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

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MISSING WIFE!

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sheriff: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sheriff: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sheriff: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.

Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up.

Sheriff: Take it easy, we’ll find your truck.

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POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, I ask You today to bless my friends and loved ones. I pray that my good prayers for them are answered.

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:

I believe that God works through me for good.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:

“In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can.”
Michael Korda

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