Positive Daily Inspiration – September 24, 2023 – Sunday Funnies

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“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand.”
Isaiah 41:13

Timmy was a little five-year-old boy who his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school the first couple of days, but then he came home one day, and he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school everyday. He wanted to be like the “big boys.”

He protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would secretly follow her son to school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him.

Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.

As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, the little friend of Timmy noticed that this same lady was following them, as she seemed to do every day, all week. Finally, he said to Timmy, “Have you noticed that lady following us all week? Do you know her?”

Timmy nonchalantly replied, “Yea, I know who she is.”

The little friend said, “Well who is she?”

“That’s just Shirley Goodnest,” Timmy said.

“Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?”

“Well,” Timmy explained, “every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer psalm says, “Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life, so I guess I’ll just have to get used to it.”

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Children’s favorite lines from hymns –

“Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.”

And the one about the bear – Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear

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Super Granny Defender of Justice (True Story)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, “I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scum bags!”

The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5′ tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed. Ah, senior moments!

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POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

God goes before me. And in my mind I set God before me this day, to guide, to govern, to protect, and to prosper me.

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:

I am the radiant, all wise, all loving, all conquering child of God. I rule supreme in all the affairs of mind and body. Infinite wisdom guides me, Divine love prospers me, and I am successful in all that I undertake.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:

“My relationship with death remains the same — I’m strongly against it.”
Woody Allen

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