Positive Daily Inspiration – September 3, 2023 – Sunday Funnies

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̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶ o O o ̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶̶

(Submitted with our great thanks!)

“A glad heart makes a cheerful countenance … But a cheerful heart has a continual feast.”
Proverbs 15:13;15

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the minister with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.”

He passed the minister the cash and walked away satisfied.

The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the minister looks the young man in the eye and says,

“Will you promise to bow yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes.”

The groom leaned toward the minister and hissed, “I thought we had a deal.”

The minister put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, “She made me a much better offer.”

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Church definitions of Football actions

Quarterback Sneak – Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

Draw Play – What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

Halftime – The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.

Benchwarmer – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.

Backfield-in-Motion – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

Staying in the Pocket – What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.

Two-minute Warning – The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

Instant Replay – The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations.

Sudden Death – What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes “overtime”.

Trap – You’re called on to pray and are asleep.

End Run – Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.

Flex Defense – The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

Halfback Option – The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.

Blitz – The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

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POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, I pray that I smile more.
May it reflect the inner prompting of my loving thoughts.
May I forget how to frown.
No matter what kind of day I am experiencing, give me the strength to make it better with a smile.
May my smile be contagious.
May I have spiritual strength to not accept disorder as the outcome for any day.
Give me the spiritual power to change it with a smile.
May I remind myself, and all those that I meet, that You are working everything out in Divine order.
Help me God to face my life with a smile, so that I can easily convey loving thoughts to others.

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:

The Christ light within me manifests a joyous feeling in my mind and body.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:

“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.”
Leon J. Suenes

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