Positive Daily Inspiration – November 5, 2023 – Sunday Funnies

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(Submitted with our great thanks)

“I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the fountain of the water of life without payment.”
Revelations 21:6

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk answers, “Yes, I am.”

So, the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk replies “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, “Have you found Jesus, my brother?”

The drunk again answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again—but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?

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There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get he could be found on the golf course swinging away.

It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him.

Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, “Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing.”

God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away – a picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, “Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?”

God smiled. “Think about it – whom can he tell … ?”

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POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

On this Sunday, I choose to give back to God.
I give my time.
I give my energy of service.
I give my attention.
I give my worship to You, dear God.
I seek You and the comfort You have to offer.
I seek You and the wisdom that you give so freely.
I seek You for new health in my body temple.
But, most of all, I seek You so that I may become a better person permanently.
I remember God, by remembering the Sabbath.

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:

A new start … God’s help … beginning now … filled with energy and courage … moving forward … in alignment with God’s will!

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
Anonymous

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