Positive Daily Inspiration – January 7, 2024 – SUNDAY FUNNIES

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(Submitted with our great thanks)

“I delight to do Your will, O my God.”
Psalms 40:8

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”

“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”

The doctor was shocked but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

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A guy is driving around, and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Rare Talking Dog for Sale.”

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars.”

“This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”

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A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses the man wearing somewhat sloppy clothes. “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

The guy replies, “I’m Jack Thomas, Jr., taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Then it’s the minister’s turn. He stands up tall and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s Church for the last forty-three years.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man before me was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. Why, how can this be?

Saint Peter looks to the preacher and says, “Up here, we work by results. While you preached, people slept. While Jack drove, people prayed.”

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POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, I worship You this day. If I haven’t gone to church in awhile, I will find a church near me and go. I realize it is not the name on the sign, but the sign in my heart that it is time to commune with You again in prayer and worship. It is wonderful to be alive, and to fully be conscious of that gift.

I must take time with You.

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:

The keystone of my life is hope in tomorrow because God is already there.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:

“Kindness is the noblest weapon to conquer with.”
Unknown

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