Positive Daily Inspiration – February 18, 2024 – SUNDAY FUNNIES

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“It is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”
Luke 12:32

Church signs:
Adam and Eve: the first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions
If you are praying for snow – PLEASE STOP
Be the kind of person your pet thinks you are.
Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him.
Just love everyone. I will sort-em out later. -God
Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted.
Jesus is watching but the police have radar.

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A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the wall!”

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Funny observations:

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ Money talks … all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ I’m not fat, I’m just … easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ If you think you might be crazy, you’re not; because crazy people don’t think they are crazy.

♦ My 65 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

♦ Mayberry was a family values show but almost nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. Sadly, the only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk ALL the time.

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POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, I harmonize my mind and heart with Your Spirit.
I am in tune with Your harmony and goodness.
I am aware that You are the source of all good.
My mind is open and receptive so that Your wisdom, Your compassion, and Your love connect me with the great harmony of the universe.
I keep my mind free from doubt or fear by allowing only positive, uplifting thoughts to remain there.
I speak and act in harmony with You, dear God.
I do only what is right and good.
I turn to You God for guidance.
I ask You to reveal the way of love and peace.
God, You make all things possible to me.

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:

God blesses me throughout every new beginning.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:

“It’s good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy.”
George H. Lorimer

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