Positive Daily Inspiration – April 7, 2024 – Sunday Funnies

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“What deeds of power are being done by His hands!”
Mark 6:2

A preacher is winding up his temperance sermon with great fervor. “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river!” he shouts.

The congregation cries out, “Amen!”

“And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it in the river!”

The congregation cries, “Amen!”

By now, worked into frenzy, the preacher yells, “And if I had all the whiskey and demon rum in the world, I’d take it all and throw it in the river!”

And the congregation again cries, “Amen!”

The preacher sits down, exhausted. Then the deacon stands up and calmly announces, “And now, for our closing hymn, let us turn to page 126 and sing, ‘We shall gather at the river.'”

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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because, attached to the back of the carriage was a hand-printed sign … “Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust.”

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A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him at the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. “Reverend,” said the young man, “sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.” The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”

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Somebody has well said that there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning.”

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One Sunday, after church, Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. Her daughter answered “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilts.” Needless to say, Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday school lesson was about. He said “Be not afraid, the comforter is coming.”

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POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

From the cowardice that dare not face new truth,
from the laziness that is contended with half-truth,
from the arrogance that thinks it knows all truth,
Good Lord, deliver me. Amen.

(Kenyan prayer)

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:

I am a winner because I am spiritually alive.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:

“There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.”
David Burns

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