Positive Daily Inspiration – October 2, 2022 – Sunday Funnies

(Submitted with our great thanks)

“Guide our feet into the way of peace.”
Luke 1:79

Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession.

What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”

My IQ test results came back. They were negative.

What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.

Advice to husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does startle her at first.

Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.

What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away.

How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.

Our child has a great deal of willpower – and even more won’t power.

Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? “Does this taste funny to you?”

What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened criminal.

What do you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A large fortune.

One of the oddities of Wall Street is that the dealer, not the customer, is the broker.

A rich man is 0ne who isn’t afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper.

If you take $2 out of an ATM that has a $2.50 fee, do you owe the machine money?

The reason some politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it.

The insomnia patient was such a fervent vegetarian that he counted carrots jumping over a fence.

My father is allergic to cotton. He has pills he can take, but he can’t get them out of the bottle.

You’ll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully, and lie about your age.

Positive Daily Prayer

I pray on this Sunday that God guides me.
I pray that I’m not able to take a wrong turn.
I pray that I listen more than normal to God’s right path.
Being on God’s right path I pray that I make a positive difference everywhere I go.

In Jesus Christ’s name … Amen

Positive Daily Affirmation: God illumines me. My way is clear.

Positive Daily Quote: “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.” –
Yogi Berra

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Christopher Ian Chenoweth