Positive Daily Inspiration – October 9, 2022 – Sunday Funnies

(Submitted with our great thanks)

“Everyone who believes is set free.”
Acts 13:39

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding …

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I’d give it to you, but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see … Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk, if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officer’s claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

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Subject: Ten Best Things to Say If Caught Sleeping At Your Desk

10. “They told me at the Blood Bank that this might happen.”

9. “This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about at the Time-Management course you sent me to.”

8. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!”

7. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.”

6. “I was testing my keyboard for drool-resistance.”

5. “I was doing a highly-specified Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?”

4. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”

3. “The coffee machine is broken … ..”

2. “Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot … “

AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK …

1. ” … In Jesus’ name. Amen”.

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

God is my Creator, the God life within me responds to prayers, and I immediately feel stronger and healthier. And this feeling grows with each passing moment. Both mentally and physically, I am healing now!

Thank You, God.

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I never walk alone, for I am one with God.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “Change yourself and fortune will change with you.”
Portuguese Proverb

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GOD BLESS YOU,
Christopher Ian Chenoweth