Positive Daily Inspiration – April 30, 2023 – Sunday Funnies

(Submitted with our great thanks.)

Light is sown for the righteous, and gladness for the upright in heart. Rejoice in the LORD, ye righteous; and give thanks at the remembrance of God’s holiness.
Psalm 97:11, 12

A shoe sales person dragged out half his stock to a woman customer: “Mind if I rest a few minutes, lady? Your feet are killing me!”

What did the zero say to the 8? I like your belt.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water.

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time people had to reboot their computer … oh wait, he does.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

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In New Zealand, two prisoners who were handcuffed together tried to escape as they were escorted from a courthouse. The trouble is that they forgot they were chained together. As they darted away, each prisoner ran to the opposite sides of a light pole. They spun and collided with one another, and then fell into a heap on the ground. When the officers stopped laughing, they picked the prisoners up and hauled them back to jail.

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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign … “Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.”

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So, the Zen master steps up to the hot dog stand and says: “Make me one with everything.” The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.

“Where’s my change?” asks the Zen master.

And the hot dog vendor responds, “Change must come from within.”

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

Dear God, I pray to have the power of laughter fully restored in my life.
I pray for deep laughter daily, a sense of humor, and inner smile.
Amen.

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:
I am God’s beloved child. God’s forgiving, healing love fills my heart, my mind, my body. I am free! I am whole! I am happy!

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:
Happiness held is the seed. Happiness shared is the flower.
John Harrigan

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