Positive Daily Inspiration – July 3, 2022 – SUNDAY FUNNIES

(Submitted with our great thanks)

“Then God said, ‘Let there be light.'”
Genesis 1:3

One of the best things people can have up their sleeves is a funny bone.

Have you heard the HYMNS FOR THE OVER-50 CROWD?

1 – Precious Lord, Take My Hand … And Help Me Up

2 – It Is Well with My Soul … But My Knees Hurt

3 – Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing

4 – Just a Slower Walk with Thee

5 – Count Your Many Birthdays; Name Them One by One

6 – Go Tell It on the Mountain … But Speak Up

7 – Give Me the Old Timers’ Religion

8 – Blessed Insurance

AND MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE

9 – Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah … I’ve Forgotten Where I Parked

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Once upon a time, a woman died and went to heaven. When she reached the Pearly Gates she was met by St. Peter. She said, “Am I in heaven?”

He said, “Yes, you are at the Pearly Gates.”

“Do I get to come in?”

“Yes, if you can spell a word.”

“What word?”

“Any word.”

She said, “Okay, I’ll spell love.” She did and was allowed to enter.

A few minutes later, St. Peter approached her and said, “I have to leave for a minute. Would you watch the gate?”

She was astonished and said, “You want me to watch the gate?”

“Yes.”

“What do I do if someone comes up?”

“Just what I did. Ask them to spell a word.”

As she stood looking around at all the beautiful sights in heaven, she saw a man walking toward the gates. As he drew closer, the woman recognized him. It was her husband. She was shocked!

“What happened?” the wife asked.

“Well,” he replied, “I was drinking, and I had an accident and died. Am I in heaven?”

“You are at the Pearly Gates.”

“Do I get to come in?”

“Yes, but you have to spell a word … “

“What word?”

“Czechoslovakia.”

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THE SOLO SOCK

By Garrison Keillor

Of life’s many troubles, I’ve known quite a few:
Bad plumbing and earaches and troubles with you,
But the saddest of all, when it’s all said and done,
Is to look for your socks and find only one.
Here’s a series of single socks stacked in a row.
Where in the world did their fellow socks go?

About missing socks, we have very few facts.
Some say cats steal them to use for backpacks,
Or desperate Norwegians willing to risk
Prison to steal socks to make lutefisk.
But the robbery theories just don’t hold water:
Why would they take one and not take the odder?

Socks are independent, studies have shown,
And most feel a need for some time alone.
Some socks are bitter from contact with feet.
Some, seeking holiness, go on retreat.
Some need adventure and cannot stay put.
Some socks feel useless and just underfoot.
But whatever the reason these socks lose control,
Each sock has feelings down deep in its sole.

If you wake in the night and hear creaking and scraping,
It’s the sound of a sock, bent on escaping.
The socks on the floor that you think the kids dropped.
They’re socks that went halfway, got tired, and stopped.

It might help if, every day,
As you don your socks, you take time to say:
“Thank you, dear socks, for a job that is thankless.
You comfort my feet from tiptoes to ankless.
Working in concert, a cotton duet,
Keeping them snug and absorbing the sweat.
And yet you smell springlike, a regular balm,
As in Stravinsky’s Le Sacre du Printemps.

“And so I bless you with all of my heart
and pray that the two of you never shall part.
I love you, dear socks, you are socko to me,
The most perfect pair that I ever did see.”

This may help, but you must accept
That half of all socks are too proud to be kept.
And, as with children, their leaving is ritual.
Half of all socks need to be individual.

POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:

SHOW ME THE WAY

Dear God, I ask You to be my personal guide.
Inspire me and guide my every thought in my divergent life and future opportunities.
I know that You know the best way, and I ask now that You show me that way clearly.
Lead me through unknown territories.
Help me as I walk through pathways that seem, to my human eyes, to be obscure.
Clarify my thoughts, dear God.
Give me the light of Your understanding so I will know the right path to take.
I pray that I understand Your guidance and that I do not hesitate or waver.
I pray that I will decide upon a matter and know without doubt that it was the right choice for me to make.
I walk in partnership with You daily.

Thank You, God.

In Jesus Christ’s Name, Amen

POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: I am guided by God in every thought I think, every word I speak, and in every action and reaction.

POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: “Simplify, slow down, be kind. And don’t forget to have art in your life – music, paintings, theater, dance and sunsets.”
Eric Carle

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Thank you!

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GOD BLESS YOU, Happy 4th!
Christopher Ian Chenoweth